


there's no sun

by bukluv



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, Sideshow - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, MAJOR ANGST AGAIN lol, Major character death - Freeform, offscreen death tho, this was because certain people couldnt keep their angst to THEMSELVES at 1 in the MORNING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:21:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16125056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bukluv/pseuds/bukluv
Summary: “I love you,” Zyke mumbles softly into Shayne’s chest as he pushes himself further into his hold.Shayne leans down to place a small kiss to Zyke’s hair. “I love you too, bubby. I love you with my whole heart.”





	there's no sun

**Author's Note:**

> :) lmao  
> heres a good song:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-uXtxKXkb8

“ _Uncover your eyes_  
_There’s no sun, where is your direction?_  
_Uncover your eyes_

 _Ask yourself, where is your reflection?_ “

 

* * *

 

Shayne sometimes thinks things he regrets the minute they cross his mind. Like right now, he wishes that he had never met the Crew. He thinks that things would be better, that things would hurt less (or maybe never even hurt like this at all) if he had never met Criken or Tomato or Bed. Or Zyke. He sometimes thinks that maybe meeting them wasn’t worth it.

 

The disgust he feels with himself after that is immense. He regrets it immediately and wishes he could wipe those thoughts from his mind. He wouldn’t trade his family for the world. It’s hard to remember that sometimes. Especially as he sits on a cot in this little run down shack, knees to his chest, eyes dry and hurting. His stomach is in knots and he wishes that things were different. That things were better for the Crew.

 

When he’s left to his own thoughts like this he tends to pull himself into a downward spiral. The _what-ifs_ and the worse case scenarios bombard him. They drown out his hope and overwhelm him to the point where he starts to wish for an end. But there is none, not for a long while.

 

His mind drifts but his senses are always aware, he trembles and shifts at any noise he hears. Any slight movement out of the corner of his eyes could be a danger. The shadows bend and twist around him. It’s too much. He wants to sleep. It’s been awhile since he’s let himself just do that.

 

It’s been awhile since he’s let himself smile. Or laugh, or relax, or just take a breather.

 

If he stops then he’s dead. His guard down means an opening to take him and he won’t let himself die yet. Not until he knows that all the others have made it out, that they all come out of this safe and alive.

 

For now he lets his mind drift, keeps his ears open, and wallows in his own self decay. He misses smiling.

 

* * *

 

Running into Zyke felt like a blessing and a curse. What Shayne would give to just turn around and not have to see what the love of his life has become. The bags under Zyke’s eyes, the chopped and black dyed mess on his head, the purple and yellow bruises that litter his arms and face. It all hurts. Shayne feels like he’s staring into a nightmare of his.

 

Shayne looks no better though. His clothes ratty and face a mess. He’s been keeping his hair shorter than he’s ever had it before. His head has never felt so cold. Shayne has his own barrage of cuts and bruises so he can’t judge.

 

They both know who they’re looking at as they lock eyes across the empty and desolate street.

 

Zyke’s the first one to look away. He doesn’t look back as he heads off, the slight twitch of his hand is enough indication for Shayne. He waits a couple of seconds before following where Zyke had gone. It’s gloomy out, the sun hidden and the sky gray. The air is suffocatingly dry and rain refuses to fall. The clouds never seem to shift from where they are.

 

They finally stop under an overpass, the sound of cars loud and the only noise between the two of them is the crunching of gravel under their steps. Zyke’s back is still to him as he looks up at the concrete pass above them.

 

“If I look at you I’ll cry, babe.” are the first words that Zyke says. His voice sounds rough from disuse and Shayne sniffles at that, at the words, at how broken he sounds. “I am _not_ going to allow that to be the first thing you see of me.” Zyke continues, huffing, still stubborn and dumb just like always.

 

Maybe that’s why Shayne finds himself crying. _Just like always_. It’s such a heartbreakingly relieving term. Zyke hasn’t changed despite everything and Shayne is so glad. He’s so relieved. The tears are falling before he can do anything and he’s ducking his head and wiping at his face with his sleeves. He hiccups and that’s when he hears steps in the gravel as Zyke turns to face him.

 

He can’t help the little sobbing laughter he lets out as Zyke takes him into his arms. His tears fall harder as he rests his head on his love’s chest. It’s been so long, it feels like forever since he’s been touched at all. It feels like forever since he’s seen Zyke. Zyke rests his face in Shayne’s hair despite how dirty it must be. Everything’s too much.

 

He feels the other’s tears before he sees them. Wrapping an arm around Zyke’s waist, he moves his head from under Zyke’s face and leans back to look at him. He almost chokes on his laughter at the sight. Zyke’s eyes are shut, his nose scrunched up, his lips tight together to stop himself from crying as loud as he possibly can.

 

Shayne cradles Zyke’s face in his free hand, watching as the other shifts and buries his face into the open palm. Zyke’s arms around his middle tighten as he slows his breathing and calms himself. “You okay, baby?” Shayne finally asks, his own voice hoarse and throat tight.

 

Zyke opens his eyes and looks at Shayne. He lifts his head away from Shayne’s hand and breathes in deeply. The tears cease for a moment as Zyke leans in for a kiss. It’s a slow and fumbling one, both of their lips dry, and both so unused to this after so long. It never goes pass just a press to the lips, both knowing that anything more than that will open certain doors and they can’t let that happen. Not now.

 

When they break apart their eyes lock again. Zyke’s hand drifts up and down Shayne’s back in soothing motions. “I missed you so much.” Zyke says, a firm statement, his feelings laid out on a platter. His eyes are tired and full of anxiety but looking at Shayne has them filled with so much love and desperation. It’s more than either have felt in a long, long while.

 

“I know, I missed you too. There wasn’t a night where I didn’t miss you laying beside me. Cold hands and cold feet included,” Shayne smiles, his hand finding Zyke’s cheek again, thumb rubbing the side of his face softly. “I hope you’ve been keeping good care of yourself, bubby.”

 

Zyke looks sheepish as he shrugs, lips pursing. “It’s kind of hard to do that, though,” he says, excuse in a slight whine as he tilts his head further into Shayne’s touch. “I… I really did miss you. It… it was so fucking hard.” Zyke’s words crack and his pitch highers as tears shed again. He never specifies what it was that was difficult but Shayne gets it. He understands more than he wishes either of them had to.

 

“Just let it out, sweetie. I know, _I know.._ .” Shayne forces Zyke to rest his head on his chest. He strokes the black dyed hair, fingers pulling at tangles and massaging down to the base of Zyke’s neck. “Things will get better. They have to. _We will_ make them better.” Shayne swears, sniffling slightly as he continues his menstrations. Zyke is shrugging again but he nods anyway. There’s no use to fighting against the claim. Things were as bad as they could get and the only thing they could do was throw out hope. Even if it was all empty.

 

“I love you,” Zyke mumbles softly into Shayne’s chest as he pushes himself further into his hold.

 

Shayne leans down to place a small kiss to Zyke’s hair. “I love you too, bubby. I love you with my whole heart.”

 

They stay like that, holding each other until their legs start to hurt from standing for so long. The sky is darker but the clouds still remain. Their departure again is hard. Zyke’s eyes puffy and red, a fierce anger and hopelessness deep in them. Shayne feeling no different. Their love for each other feels like a weight on their ankles as they step away from the other. When they head separate ways it’s like a string tied between them taut with tension, unable to be pulled any further apart until it just snaps into two.

 

* * *

 

The next time Shayne sees anyone else is when Criken pulls them all together again. It’s nerve wracking. To be here where he can see everyone, to see the people he’s loved and missed and had panic attacks worrying about. It should feel good, feel like relief, to see them all. It just feels heavy with a blanket of despair over him as he scans the faces.

 

He’s never seen these folks, people he loves, look so beaten down and lost. An unsure air filters between everyone. The tension is heavy. A long time spent being careful, being on the run, never staying in one place for so long has dealt damage on them all. Especially after going through it alone. It feels wrong to just be here together. Shayne can see eyes darting to exits, eyes wary of each other.

 

It’s painful.

 

No one talks for awhile. It’s quiet as it all sinks in. Shayne thinks, _this isn’t everyone_ as he takes another look at the group.

 

“Criken.” he calls out, his hands wringing together in anxious thoughts. “W...Where’s Zyke?” he finally asks, the worry and question that’s been on his mind since the moment he stepped in.

 

Criken is quiet as he looks at him, then away, then back at him. The expression on his face says more than anything. “We found him,” Criken starts, lips pulled together tightly. “Just… not in time. Someone else found him first.”

 

It’s quiet at that. The air heavier now, impossibly so. Shayne is silent as he comprehends it all. The images of his boyfriend dead in a gutter flashes through his mind. Alone. Beaten down. The tears fall but he doesn’t notice, doesn’t make a noise.

 

Crik is reaching a hesitant hand out to him, face contorted with regret and pain. “I-I’m sorry, Sha-"

 

“Shut. Up.” He moves away from the hand and hugs his arms around his own body. “Just shut up.” his words are quiet and harsh as his eyes narrow and his brows crease. The tears continue their downfall and he can’t even sniffle. “You’re lying to me.” he accuses, voice sharp and filled with so much hurt.

 

“I’m not, Shayne. Zyke’s gone.” Criken doesn’t try to sugarcoat anything now. He watches the other with a sad but firm gaze.

 

“You’re fucking lying to me. This is some _sick_ joke. Some sick, unfunny _joke_ .” Shayne continues, his hurt twisting into anger as he pulls his hands through his hair. He looks up, eyes desperate and wild. He needs to do _something,_ anything, he just doesn’t know what. He backs himself up into a corner and hunches down, arms in front of his face as he finally lets himself sob aloud.

 

His anger is directionless. He would give anything to throw something, smash something into a wall, tear into something with his hands. He would give anything to bring his boy back. Anything to stop this twisting pain in his chest.

 

With nowhere for his anger to go, Shayne wallows on his own. Criken prevents anyone from being near him, knowing how much they want to help but how much Shayne needs to handle this alone.

 

He’s silent again. The anger drained now, leaving only mourning and regret. His eyes are red and the tears are slowing down. He's cried himself out. All he can do is wish that Zyke was here with him. His hands feeling cold, missing the feel of Zyke’s in his.

 

Shayne’s voice is rough as he starts to recite a sweet, low melody. His dry sobs almost choking him as he whispers the lyrics to Zyke’s favorite song as a last comfort for himself.

  
  
  



End file.
